Weigh day :0(

Normally I hate Wednesdays, because Wednesdays are weigh in day. Dooms Day. (they can also co-inside with Husband's return to work day which isnt the happiest of occasions either)

So, good little chicken that I am, I get on the scales this morning before I got dressed and not surprisingly, I had put on weight!

Now, before you all recoil in shock and horror, please remember I am pregnant! So some weight gain is allowed. Now take into account that apprarently he is going through one of his growth spurts, and increased weight for him means increased weight for me!

So, now that we are all on the same page, the surprising bit is that I wasnt upset!!

Yes I know I shouldn't be upset as I am pregnant which is a happy and wonderous time to be and I should be glowing all over fromt he miricle that is growing inside me, but when you have struggled with your weight for your entire life, worked so hard to get it down and then watched as it slowly crept back up making you feel useless at the same time as being told you wont naturally have a child, making you feel even more useless, excepting these changes in your body that you have no control over can be quite daunting.

Yes of course I am happy to thnk of my son growing inside me, when when i catch a glimpse of my expanding girth, or not being able to pull on a pair of jeans, it can be a bit sad. Almost like an end of an era. Not that I wouldnt be able to reduce said girth once baby has evacuated, but that things will be different. Just different.

Mind Sets are hard things to change. Be it about your self confidence, your eating habits, the way you look at life. If you are used to doing it one way, it can be hard to change to something different.

But this time, I think I am realising that something different is going to be amazing!

Monday...

Breakfast: Yum! Nice difference to a normal smoothie.

Lunch: Delicious! I had two wraps instead of the one I should have done but I do require the extra calories!

Dinner: Coles didn't have any eggplant and I was too tired to chargrill the veg, so I chopped up a load of veg (capsicum, zucchini, onion, mushrooms) and put them into the oven rather than chargrilled which i think is just as nice! Sooooo delicious!! taking every ounce of discipline i have not to eat the second portion that i made for my lunch tomorrow! 

Sunday's preparation

So after being all organised with my weekly plan, i took myself down to Coles and actually did the shopping to go with the plan! and this lead on to a major clean and tidy of my pantry! Well done i her you cry! Yes it would be but i over did it and was almost bent over like a little old lady walking along with a limp!

Went to the cinema with a friend that night and when I got home, I forced myself to get breakfast and lunch ready for Monday. SCORE!

so far so good!

Week 3 - ready to go!

My first two weeks have not been as successful as I would have liked, mainly due to poor planning leading to poor decision making. So for week three I am getting on the front foot with planning!!

Below is my week 3 plan edited for my tastes etc. and have the shoping list ready to go. I plan on making or preparing as much as I can on Sunday so evenings are easy peasy.

Fingers crossed all goes to plan!

Thinspiration - arse obsession?

This is just a quick one to add to my Thinspirations "wall".

My arse is not the most shapely of derrieres (truck bum is one phrase my delightful husband uses! Hippo is the one I use!)

So yes, maybe I am slightly arse obsessed...

(Note, these are not my photos, taken from Google seraches...)

now come on, you cant tell me those are not fabulous specimins! Yes I am totally jealous! I know mine will never be this peachy, but I can dream. That is why they are my thinspiration!

Thinspirations - Part deux

Pregnancy certainly isnt a walk in the park! In fact, walking in the park is one thing Im being told to cut down on!

Since getting pregnant, I've been getting quite sore pains in my left hip. Finally got to see my Ob yesterday and confirmed that its inflammation of the bursa, or Bursitis. Not fun I can assure you. Its been meaning that by the end of the day, my hip is very sore, walking becomes difficult, sleeping is difficult (I am supposed to lie on my left side! Ha! Like that is going to happen!)

So now I am armed with drugs (long lasting panadol) and a letter to get a steroid injection into my hip (will get that just before I go on holiday soI can rest and relaxi it fully to get the full benefits of th injection)

With all that, exercise has been difficult. I have been walking my dogs still (cant really get away with it!) but doing it in the morning when my hip isnt too sore. But the main thing I want to get started is swimming and aqua aerobics as I think that will be low impact enough not to hurt.

Next challenge: find swimming attire that covers ginormous boobage! that is no mean feat let me tell you! Have been suggested a cheapo gym support crop top thing with a rashie shirt over the top so that will probably be the best way to go.

So surely I have the BEST excuse ever not to exercise, right...

(pause while I run away from the wrath that would be Michelle Bridges at that statement!)

taking it easy, yes, being careful, yes, taking it as a reason to sit on my arse and do nothing, NO.

It does mean though that I have to pay even more careful attention to my diet and this is being caused by the extra weight being gained and I need to ensure I dont put on too much and that I lose it quickly (but sensibly) after the baby is born.

Which brings me onto my Thinspiration part deux. As much as I want to run and hide with a box of donuts as my consolation prize, I need to focus on the right goal and that is being healthy for my labour. How am I going to be able to squat and push if my hips is giving me more pain than the labour!

I need to focus on the reasons to be healthy for quick weight lost afterwards as well, which would be for the decrease in hip issues, but also...

These are my "Skinny Jeans"! they are not literaly skinny ones, as they are I think a relaxed boot cut, but they are ones that I bought just before I started putting weight on with the IVF etc. so never got to wear.

I need to stay healthy so I can wear these easily when I go to England for christmas. that will feel so much better than scoffing a box of donuts. Or at least that is what I am telling myself!!

Thinspirations!

I loved the idea of the weekly surprise last week so I fully intend doing it but didnt feel the need to enter the competition so am going to take my time.

One of the major inspirations for me at this stage in my life comes from a photogrpah competition.

http://birthphotographers.com/2012-international-association-of-professional-birth-photographers-image-of-the-year-competition/

There are some truely amazing photos in this competition! Sadly voting has closed now but the photos are still there to view.

The one that is my inspiration as far as this competition goes is number 11 by  Shear Perfection Photography

lets leave aside the support she is getting from (I assume) the baby daddy (I already got me one of those with oodles of support!) but I just cant seem to tear my self away from her perfect bump, perfect arse (in a non pervey way I assure you!) and the lack of back fat rumples!!!

Jealous doesnt even begin to describe it! She probably doesnt even look pregnant from the back! I hate her! I envy her! I want her arse instead of mine!! She even has a lovely tan line!!!

Not much of this photos I dont love and I sincerly hope she had a perfect baby at the end of it!

So, if she ever reads this, thank you for being brave enough for someone to photograph you in all your glory (and I mean glorious glory!) and reminding me pregnancy doesnt have to equal frump!

Weekly Surprise, but will it be a nasty one for me?!

Morning all

So, checked out the weekly surprise and its about blogging! so that made me want to get my blogging hat back on with gusto, then I read that

3. Your posts are in line with our Copyright Policies (eg. not reposting 12WBT content)

Eek! Ihope I havent done that with posting the task contents that I have so far!

So, anyone reading this thinks I have, please let me know and I will remove it immediatly!

Oh, and if you are reading this, please vote for me!! Go to the forums section, 12WBT Program Discussion, Weekly surprises!

Task 4 “Say It Out Loud”

Commitment posted on the Commitment Thread and Facebook

Commitment Thread:

Michelle, my commitment is not only to you but to my unborn baby. I will commit to keeping my emotional eating under control by using other methods to satisfy my emotions. I will commit to healthy eating to benefit both of us and not "eating for two". I will commit to exercising as much as my body will allow, focusing on the exercises that will help me through late pregnancy, labour and copying with a newborn. I will commit to being more organised and not to get overwhlemed with what needs to be done, especially when it comes to eating so I dont take the easy way out. I will commit to being more mindful about what is REALLY best for me.

July DIG on Facebook:

You ladies know that I am doing the pregnancy program on Michelle Bridges 12WBT Task 4 is saying it out loud and they suggest adding it to your FB status. I dont want to do it on my open status as not all know I am preg, so will do it here instead!...

Michelle my commitment is not only to you but to my unborn baby.

I will commit to keeping my emotional eating under control by using other methods to satisfy my emotions.

I will commit to healthy eating to benefit both of us and not "eating for two".

I will commit to exercising as much as my body will allow, focusing on the exercises that will help me through late pregnancy, labour and copying with a newborn.

I will commit to being more organised and not to get overwhlemed with what needs to be done, especially when it comes to eating so I dont take the easy way out.

I will commit to being more mindful about what is REALLY best for me.

Task 2 “Take Control - Set Your Goal”

1 Month Goals

·         By beginning of Bali holiday 10th March 2013 

o   Gain a maximum of 6kgs or weigh no more than 84kgs

How I Will Get There

·         Following the diet plan as closely as possible, making suitable substitutes where necessary.

·         Use the basic exercise plan at home to do something even if it’s only small on each exercise day, and take dogs out for regular walks

3 Month Goals

·         By end of 12WBT May 5th 2013 

o   Gain a maximum of 8.4kgs or weigh no more than 86.4kgs

How I Will Get There

·         Following the diet plan as closely as possible, making suitable substitutes where necessary.

·         Increase specific exercises for strengthening for labour

6 Month Goals

·         By 31st July 2013 (Birth of baby) 

o   Gain maximum of 12kg from start of pregnancy

How I Will Get There

·         Make sensible food options and stay organised as possible

·         Accept help or ask for help when needed

12 Month Goals

·         By 31st December 2013 (&32nd Bday) 

o   Lose baby weight gained since start of pregnancy, therefore be in pre-pregnancy wardrobe and weigh in at 78kg (172 lbs, 12stone, 2lbs, BMI = 30)

How I Will Get There

·         Either rejoin 12WBT, Weight Watchers or use own knowledge

Again, happy to take comments!

Task 1 “Get Real - No More Excuses”

Internal Excuses	Solutions
I'm too tired	Doesn’t have to be a full on session. Try something small and gentle to start and build up.
It might hurt the baby	Very little will hurt the baby but check with midwife if seriously worried
I have to do X first	Does it really have to be done that second or can it wait till after exercise? Or just exercise when finished other task
I want to spend time with Joel and the dogs	Spend time with them by going for walk in the park/beach.
It will hurt me	Be gentle and mindful of what is too much and don't push too hard
I will look silly	You will look even sillier waddling down the street with a hippo bum
I won’t be able to do it so why bother trying	Try it so you know what you can do and use that as a level to improve from.
I can’t be bothered	If you can’t be bothered now you certainly won’t be bothered in a few months time with a screaming baby and a hippo bum. Do something small and build up
I’m too big to do anything worth doing	Something is always better than nothing. Focus on what is worth doing for the labour

External Excuses Within My Control	Solutions
It’s too hot	Swimming. Gentle floor exercises indoors
It’s too cold	Exercise will help you warm up. Put on jacket and move quickly
I have to work late	Take breaks throughout work day and go for walk around the block. Look to schedule in extra exercise time on a normal day off
There are no classes on at the time I can work out	Then do something else! Go for a walk, swim, use step at home or home DVDs

External Excuses Outside My Control	Solutions
Joel is sick	Don't use it as an excuse to emotionally eat.
Dogs get sick	Don't use it as an excuse to emotionally eat.
I get sick	Don't use it as an excuse to emotionally eat.
I’m told I can’t exercise	Don't use it as an excuse to emotionally eat.

Please feel free to leave comments about my excuses and their solutions. Sometimes the solutions dont sound like solutions, but they are my way of talking myself round, but still appreciate any feedback, positive or negative!

Laying down the gauntlet

So, the latest is that I have been getting up to speed with the tasks.

Was beginning to get worried that my motivation had left me before the 12 weeks had begun, but as Michelle says, there is no such thing as motivation, just consistency, so I chipped away at them and I am now comfortable with how they have progressed.

I have decided not to do Task 7 & 8 as my fitness wont improve in the way the test suggests (cant do situps, running is not a good idea with my hip!) and my measurements are just going to get bigger so why bother measuring them!

Anyway, my goal for this wasn't fitness or measurements, it was healthy eating and exercise, which is how I can measure my success.

So, I will post my tasks up here that need sharing.

Followers!!!

OOOOOO!! I have two followers!!!

Hello followers!!

I've not been very active yet, but I certainly plan on changing that now!!

Getting my head round things at last!

Its true, there isnt enough time in the day! Not that I would wish for more hours in the day, just less stuff to fit into those hours. Firstly I would like to stop working but still get paid! Hmm, how does that work??!!

So, am seeing a light at the end of my tunnel of "Oh my god i have too much to do and cant do any of it".

Just as a quick aside, I have a habit of getting overwhelmed when I have a lot to do (only personally, work I seem to handle just fine!) and when I get overwhelmed, I have had mini breakdowns, panic attacks etc. and i was beginning to feel like that again lately. But then I stopped with the pressure from myself to get everything I want to get done in one day, and instantly felt better!

Tasks 1 and 2 have been reelased now and while I have looked at them, I have not felt I have been able to justify them with the right amount of time, so while I am keeping thought in my head about them, I am setting aside the long weekend as a Me Weekend. Husband will be back at work and I can focus on:

• Getting the house tidied and sorted (its clean and tidy now but not tidy in the way I mean)
• Go over All the tasks that have been released
• Think about next pregnancy steps, such as purchasing stuff etc.
• Get chirstmas presents sorted for my niece and nephews in the UK (dont get me started on that debaucle! Again, lazy me strikes again!)
• go through wardrobe for pregnancy friendly stuff and pack away stuff I wont be using so I dont get upset everytime I see it
• and anythign else I can safely add in without being overwhelmed!

because I know once this is done, I will feel much better about myself and my situation, and I think 3 days is a pretty decent time frame!

but best of all, nausea seems to be halting and tiredness isnt too bad! Still nervous for Monday's scan though! DOnt think I will ever stop being nervous though!!

Moving forward when exhausted is hard!

Not been posting much so far as have had too many distractions:

- Parents visiting from the UK

- Christmas & New Year

- 1st Trimester exhaustion and nausea

and yes, I know these are all excuses, but I just dont feel up to coping with too much at once and wanted to acknowledge these as possible future barriers as:

- Parents will visit again

- Christmas, New Year and other celebrations happen all the time

- 1st trimester will turn into 2nd trimester, 3rd trimester and then a baby!

So, while yes these are excuses, I want to have that in mind going forward so I can work out a better plan of action to cope better in the future.

This means I havent been doing the warm up exercises. I havent been ignoring them! I've been taking them all in but its hard to fit in 30km a week when its hard enough to get home from work without falling asleep on the train! The water thing was fine as that is the main thing I drink anyway.

Now two exercises have come in that I can pay attention to:

1) Write down everything you eat

2) How much do you spend on food

I like the second one especially as we are looking at going to one income soon with the baby and I want to save in every way possible without compromising our current lifestyle too much!

But even now, I'm struggling with those as I'm battling a massive headache. Seem to be getting them a bit at the moment which is quite rare for me. I assume its a mixture of either weather pressures and possible increases/shifts in hormones.

So, caved to take one paracetamol tablet and trying to drink as much as possible, I will battle on!

so, today's food diary so far: (if bought I will add cost)

Breakfast:

2 slices TipTop 9 grain bread with Devondale butter, Devondale Colby Cheese and Branston pickle from home

Water from home

Snack:

White knot bread roll with peanut butter ($1.70)

Large Granny Smith apple ($1.50)

500ml Ribena (cant remember exactly but about $3.50)

Lunch:

Sumo Salad small Warm Vietnamese chicken salad with balsamic dressing instead of Thai Dressing ($9.95)

Water from home

Tha Natural Confectionary Co. Chews Fruity Mix (bought the other day so cant remember how much)

Not sure what is for dinner as we are going food shopping after work. Will check out some of my Michelle Bridges Recipes first so I have some clue on what to buy!

Will also try only to buy food (not other household items) so I can try and work out how much each meal costs! As well as better attempts to measure things like how much cheese so I can work out accurate calories too.

Also bought an exercise book so keep a written record of my eating, but will endeavour to update this as much as possible!

Background to my pregnancy and 12WBT journey

Time to give you some background about me and my pregancy journey. I think understanding the background will help understand why I am the way I am!

So, I've been with my husband for nearly 9 nears. We got married 4 years ago and I came off birth control soon after (Been on it since I was 14 due to severe period pains). I told husband if he didnt want kids then it was his turn to take responsibility! So in a way we were Not Trying Not Preventing (NTNP) for a year. Then we decided to properly try. After a few months of nothing, I started to read up about things like ovulation, timing etc. I had also visited the doctor to get booster injections etc. and he said to come back in 4 months if nothing happened. SO I did and he gave me a referral to a fertility specialist, but husband and I decided to give it a bit longer before we went down that path. I eventually made the appointment but lack of available appointments meant it was going to be 3 months wait. No worries that gave us another 3 months to keep trying.

Bingo! I got a positive test after thinking I already had my period which was very light. So off the my GP who said not to worry about the light bleed and all was god. Cancelled my Fertility appointment and started to get excited about being preg for the first time! But sadly a week after I got the positive test, I started to get severe cramps, pains and bleeding. Assuming it was a miscarriage, I went home and husband and I decided that as it was late I would wait till the morning to see the doctor. But the pains got worse. I rang the health phone number and spoke to a doctor who said get to emergency immediatly. Husband threw me in the car and went at breakneck speed to the emergency department which luckily was only about 15 minutes away. (think we did it in about 5 though!)

They took me straight through and after a while I was diagnosied with an ectopic pregnancy on my left fallopian tube which was close to rupture and needed to be taken out immediatly. I was stablised and surgery was planned for the next morning.

The hospital were trying to locate me a bed till the surgery so I could get some sleep and some bright spark thought the best place for a woman losing her pregnancy was to be placed in the maternity ward with 6 new born babies! Not hard to imagine that that bright spark was a man! But the angels that were the nurses refused to let me leave saying I was in too much pain and just had extra morphine so couldn't be moved! I owe those ladies so much! I was eventaully allowed to remain in emergency until I was taken for surgery (thankfully emergency was quiet that night).

During the surgery, it was discovered that I had endometriosis (explains the severe period pains from the age of 10-14 years until I was put on the pill) and that the scarring had twisted the tube so much that the fertilised egg couldnt descend into the uterus and just attached where it was.

So, back to the drawing board! Back to months of nothing. Back to the appointment with the fetility specialist! I went into that appointment with all sorts of things that I wanted done in my head. Came out with a totally different plan! Which was fine with me as my specialist took the time to explain why she wasnt going to do anything that I was thinking of and all made sense. She is the expert after all!

So, after establishing there didnt seem to be anything wrong with my hormones (or husbands bits!) but a possible issue with my ovariuan reserves, we tried...

- timed intercourse: nothing

- 2 IUIs: nothing

Went on to IVF. Very sucessfull egg pick up, too successful in a way as I went into hormone overload and suffered from Ovarian Hyper Stimulation Syndrome after the egg pick up. Because the clinic suspected it, my fresh transfer was cancelled. I was angry at first as I felt fine but so glad they did as by day 5 when the transfer would have been, I was soo sick! But all 8 fertilised eggs were frozen.

So, onto Frozen Egg Transfers (FET). Had my first one ad got a positive blood result! so happy! but the hcg was quite low and sadly the second blood test showed it didnt increase and it was classed as an early loss.

Thankfully my doctor allowed me to do back to back transfers so I was back in the clinic a few weeks later for my second transfer and...

BINGO!!! Here I am 10 weeks pregnant!

But its still not an easy ride. I stress so much that its all going to leave me again. I try and concentrate on the positives, the symptoms and just not to stress too much but its not easy!

Thankfully I have a very supportive husband, family in the UK and in-law family here in Australia.

This baby may have been a long time in the making and expensive, but it just goes to show how very much wanted it is and there are lots of people very excited for its arrival in July!

I know that compared to some people, I have had it tough, but I also know that compared to others its been a breeze!

So to those struggling to get pregnant either naturally or with assisted reproductive technologies, dont give up hope! Its hard, its tough, its emotional, its heartbreaking. You will want to kill many people and poke eyes out with blunt implements, but its worth it when you get there.

Now that I am there, there are all sorts of other worries!! Eating the right thing, not allwoing myself to get too sick. Then not eating too much and allowing myself to get too fat! So that is where the 12WBT comes in. I am hoping that by kick off, 1st trimester exhaustion and nausea are behind me and I can use the meal plans and exercise plans to help me stay on track for a healthy pregnancy, healthy birth, healthy baby and not too much work later to get rid of excess baby weight!

So, as I said before

BRING IT ON!!!!!!!!!!